minnesota or bust

spoiler alert: the walshes chose "bust."

the episode opens with a punch to steve's face. every episode should've opened this way. he was the worst, especially at this point b/c he's sporting the blonde 'fro avec mullet. brando broke up the fight, b/c he's the good guy. this scene also served as the set up to the fact that the twins have established SO many meaningful friendships since moving to bev hills. which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous. at my high school, no one paid attention to the "new kids" especially if they moved in after the 8th grade. you were basically considered the "new kid" forever - you couldn't escape that label. those kids didn't have a prayer. but somehow, brenda and brandon became the backbone to this little clique in no time. brenda even snagged dylan, the coolest guy at school! total fiction but that is why bev hills is so great.

jimbo is offered a promotion at work. score for jim! uh-oh - there are some consequences though. he has to move the family back to minnesota! being the diplomatic dad, he lets his family decide what's going to happen by way of secret ballot. the results? 3 vote to stay, 1 to move. jim lets cindy have it, thinking she would vote in favor of moving. honestly, that came as a shock to me, as well. every single episode up until this point (and many of them after), cindy bitches and moans about how she has no life in cali, no friends, the weather is too hot, blah blah blah. let's face it, cin. you were probably just as lame back in minneapolis. but she loves to shriek and shrill over nothing. how jim didn't backhand her a few times, i'm not sure.

"the blindballot's been called on the count of a windfall. we're going back to minneapolis!!" jim looks way too happy to be ripping his family a new one. when he calls his boss to tell him it's a no go, his boss DOUBLES his salary. how valuable of an employee was he really?! i know you have to suspend a certain amount of belief to watch tv, especially really bad tv like this. but really?? doubles??

so now that jim is done with playing with the emotions of his family, the kids start making peace with moving back to the snow and drudgery of the midwest. brando, as always, is the voice of reason and brenda is surprisingly calm at this juncture. that's really disappointing. i was hoping she would start slamming doors or something. the thing that really bothers me with this is that the gang acts as if b&b are dying and not moving. granted, this is prior to the internet age and keeping in touch wouldn't be that convenient. but phones were invented a LONG time ago and kelly even has one in her bmw at this point. plus, aren't these people loaded? would getting on a plane require that much effort?? when brenda suggests them visiting, donna responds with a very sarcastic "yeah right!!!" even if you had no intention of going, why not say you would to make the situation seem better than it was? why is donna so stupid? (also, steve is sporting an eye patch at this point. i guess from that fight earlier but is an eye patch ever necessary?)

the remainder of the episode shows us how everyone deals with the predicament. steve, in typical fashion, starts acting like a complete dickhead to brandon (defense mechanism!) kelly and donna act like the ditzes they are and have nothing good to offer. andrea, on the other hand, has a lot to offer brandon! she offers herself and virginity to brandon, which he accepts! this is where i lost all patience for this episode. first of all, he had never shown any interest in her as anything more than a friend. second, this is andrea zuckerman. third, she offers herself to him whilst riding a carousel. i'm not even kidding!! it's one of the most bizarre things i've ever seen. and it's sorta creepy. the lighting is weird and there's this scary circus-like music in the background.

in the end, the walshes decide to stay. is it because jim is too stressed out in his new position? or is it because jim is scared he won't see his family often once taking the new position? is it because the parents don't want to uproot their childrens' lives twice in a matter of months? no to all of those. it's because dylan mckay, the hottest guy in beverly hills, declares that the walshes are the only family he has. upon hearing that, jimbo cancels all plans, puts his career on hold and announces to the group that has gathered at the peach pit that they can't get rid of them that easily! everyone laughs, hugs and dances to some crappy song playing from nat's jukebox. if this seems really weird to you, that's because it is. jim literally hates dylan from the next episode until he leaves for hong kong 6 years later. in the very next episode, he finds out that brenda and dylan had sex and he forbids her from seeing him! so, clearly, this was really dumb on the part of the writers. or on my part because this has taken up my thoughts for most of today.

what have we learned from the walshes? nothing. but, really, that is what made that show so special. pointless storylines beget pointless blog entries.

(oh, and obviously andrea and brando never go through with it. she'll wait for that RA at CU to pop her cherry.)